What to DO instead of DON'T

Hermitage recently hosted a great intertube panel discussion on Wimminz in Academia, Now with 100% less Behbehs. The link goes to the hub, blog carnival style. Go read.

One thing that really struck me - very consistent answers to the question about "how do you command respect from your male colleagues/peers/students?" Everyone said something along the lines of "I don't 'command' respect; I earn it via my work and professionalism."

Which made me think - if the answer is so universal, why the question about "commanding" respect in the first place? After some thought I realized that this is an issue that has been brought up by speakers in a lot of teaching/career development/work-life/ladies in science workshops I've attended. Interestingly, it's almost never brought up by attendees, but rather addressed right from the get-go by the presenter.

And the advice given is usually in terms of "don'ts": Don't undercut your own authority on the subject matter, don't allow confrontational students (or conference attendees) to draw the discussion off track, don't let asshole colleagues provoke you into an emotional response. Admittedly, these are all things that perhaps women fall into more easily, or maybe other people are prone to reading into women's actions. In any case, the social narrative is there, and it's an obstacle to women's overall success as compared to men in academia. So I don't think that the don'ts are entirely off-base. It's important to be aware of our subconscious actions that may be ham-stringing our success.*

Which is all well and good, but you know, don'ts are kind of hard to follow. They leave us wondering, well OK I will try not to do that, but what should I do instead? What does *not* undermining my own authority/allowing someone to drag the convo off track/projecting emotion really look like?

It's like teaching my dog not to jump on people. "Don't jump" is not a useful command as he has no clear idea of what he should be doing instead. "Sit" works much better - he's got a clear action that replaces the one that undesirable one.

The answer that all these women have arrived at is a simple "do": Do conduct yourself like a professional, do produce good work, do make yourself heard as a serious intellectual by asking questions that show you've got some smarts. Much easier to execute than the don'ts.

I really appreciate all of the panelists addressing this query with a list of "do's" instead of "don'ts". Great job, and thanks to everyone for sharing their wisdom.



*And of course, the corollary, that since this is also a matter of social narrative dictating how we respond to women in the academy, then the onus is not just on women to change their ways, but on everyone to change how we react.

Primal Scream

YYYYAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These papers need to just fuck off already. They are the papers that WILL NOT DIE!!

Get out of my damn life, you pieces of shit. (Actually, they are pretty good work, not pieces of shit, but I am sooo fucking tired of them that thinking about them makes me want to puke!)

I liked writing them, I even like editing them (for the most part), but seriously, this, "can you show Panel 6B in a different orientation - perhaps rotated 37 degrees counter-clockwise? Oh. No, I like it better the first way, but maybe we could show an inset...no, not a rectangular inset - make it triangle" bullshit has got to stop! It does not change the data!!! They still tell us the same thing whether the inset is rectangular, triangular, or polyhedral!!!

I need to get these things out of my life, preferably before the motherfukcing holidays so I can safely retreat into a mulled-wine induced stupor for about a week and emerge on the other side refreshed. If I still have to cater to this shit while I'm on "vacation", homicide is not out of the question.

The Grind

Well, in spite of other people's fuckwittery, I am getting shit done, keeping my cover, protecting my assets (that phrase always sounds kinda dirty to me), and making new opportunities for myself. *yay, new opportunities! ~~~~****~~~~* - (that was me doing the butt-dance of happy - it's sort of hard to illustrate - the tilda equals a butt-waggle and the asterisk a fist-pump)

It is damn hard work, but I am doing it.

So there, douchecanoes. So there.

I have my list of Thing Which Must Be Done Before the Motherfucking Holidays, and I am steadily crossing them off. I will not be deterred from the path to success by all of this extraneous nonsense. So there.

Now, for the slightly less task-oriented part of my list - resubmission of Albatross #1. Yeah, that fucker is still hanging about. Not much left to do except the ABCs. That stands for Apply Butt to Chair (and just DO IT already!). Stole that bit of wisdom from Clio's blog, which is also what reminded me of the Moscow Rules.

So there.

Rules to Live By:

The Moscow Rules a la the wiki:

• Assume nothing.
• Murphy is right.
• Never go against your gut; it is your operational antenna.
• Don't look back; you are never completely alone.
• Everyone is potentially under opposition control.
• Go with the flow, blend in.
• Vary your pattern and stay within your cover.
• Any operation can be aborted. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.
• Maintain a natural pace.
• Lull them into a sense of complacency.
• Build in opportunity, but use it sparingly.
• Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. (borrowed from Muhammad Ali, aka Cassius Clay.)
• Don't harass the opposition.
• There is no limit to a human being's ability to rationalize the truth.
• Technology will always let you down.
• Pick the time and place for action.
• Keep your options open.
• Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Three times is an enemy action. (taken from Ian Fleming's novel Goldfinger)

!(@*#$#^&*#@~!!!!

Motherfucking assnugget slimy duplicitous douchecanoe forked-tongue fucking snakes!!

What in the fucking fuck is wrong with people!?!?

That is all.

Seriously, Universe, could you cut me some slack?

Wow. It's been a bit of a nightmare of unbloggable stress around here lately. I think last week took a year or two off my life.

But.

I got it settled. Sought advice frantically, incorporated many bits of disparate advice and tried to make sense of it all, then negotiated a solution that was actually....exactly what I wanted.

I'm pretty proud of that, though it may have less to do with my negotiating prowess than with the other parties finally screwing their damn heads on straight, but whatever. (People! You are all older and more experienced than I am - why is it always on me to be the goddamn adult around here!?) I will take it, and I will call it a victory for AA getting her grown-up science shit taken care of. That's a good thing.

Meanwhile, I am swamped with manuscript edits (seriously, can we just be done the drafts already? I am ready to effing submit!), and charging up a new project in post-doc lab. Ooof. Counting down the days until I leave for Xmas, that's for sure.

You'd think that would be enough on my plate - but no!!

There are some exciting new opportunities on the horizon which may or may not become something real. I need to do a lot of leg work and make some big decisions to get that off the ground. It will be totally worth it if it works out and I am very, very happy about these possibilities...but also feeling completely emotionally and intellectually drained and just stretched too thin. I don't really trust myself right now to make good decisions about these opportunities because I am running on fumes. Plus, there is still all the uncertainty which doesn't do wonders for my mental stability.

These drained feelings are causing me to question whether I really truly want to keep hacking away at this career path. I love the science.I really really do. But the other crazy that comes with it is killing me. I'd like to take a moment to really sit down and think hard about this stuff, about what I want from my current and future career, and do I really think I can get it like this, and if not like this then how else, but I am not finding the time when I can rarely even manage to put on my underwear right-side-out (not kidding about that one). I want to do that kind of thinking with a clear head, and I just don't have such a thing at the moment.

Hang on, just a few more weeks. A lot to do, but then I can rest.

The "Snake Fight" Portion of Your Thesis Defense

Several of my friends and grad school cohorts are defending this week. In their honor, I am breaking the silence and taking up the wikileaks banner: this is the part that no one will tell you about your thesis defense. Initiates survivors are sworn to secrecy: "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you." So let's hope my pseud is as tight as I think it is.

For all of you facing your defense in the near and distant future:

The "Snake Fight" Portion of Your Thesis Defense

You can't say I didn't warn you.