Well, post-docing has been mostly good. Much better for my sanity. But I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.
I'm having one of those days in which I suck at everything.
I spent all weekend wrestling with a stupid motherfucking confounding piece of shit reagent problem. Not my ideal weekend preoccupation but it needed to get done. Of course it didn't. It just kept getting curiouser and curiouser.
So I'm still wrestling with it today. Which I thought was Wednesday on accounta the two work days prior. Of course it is not Wednesday, but in so believing I managed to miss an appointment that happens on Monday (which is in fact today).
Absent-minded scientist indeed.
Not to mention a bunch of fucking rookie mistakes: retrophoresis, failed markers, you name it.
I need a drink.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A day in the life of a post-doc
0600 - Turn off screaming alarm while still half asleep
0800 - Fuck! It's late! Let dog out to pee, gargle coffee, shower, realize you forgot to rinse out conditioner, hop back in, scramble to find lunch and gym clothes
0837 - Dash out the door, lock it behind you, realize you've left keys to bike lock inside. Open door, see dog doing the potty dance (again), let dog out and encourage to take a crap already (seriously, how many places in the yard must he circle before finding the perfect spot? is it really that much different from yesterday?)
0841 - Shoo dog back inside, retrieve appropriate keys, dash to lab
0856 - Look at to-do list, hyperventilate
0907 - Get cracking
0923 - Sit down to scratch head over yesterday's results while rxn incubates. Hrrmmm....these make no sense.
1118 - Check email - have finally gotten a reply from people you've been pestering about fishy reagent for the last two weeks
1119 - !@)(!*)@#(%)(*@#%$#@*&^)!@^%!!!!!! No wonder yesterday's results look fishy - your vector map was incomplete!!
1120 - Trash everything you started this morning and start over. Grumble incessantly
1207 - All rxns go - finally have something to eat.
1208 - Instead of eating lunch, spend 40min explaining technique to new lab member
1249 - Rxns finished. Fuck, no time for lunch, on to the next step
1350 - Next step incubating, stuff face, hammer out blog post, beg tech to make some solutions for you, pray you'll be finished in time to meet workout buddy at the gym
1430 - Set up new matings, do some colony maintenance, in the process splatter bleach solution all over your (only) new shirt, send snarky email about broken dishwasher and minimum wage to people who mosst assuredly won't give a fuck about this
1515 - Rush back to save rxns that have now been incubating for just a wee bit too long
1516 - Snipe and glower at d00dly labmate about how you're not here to be his Princess Leia fantasy and that you don't really care what he thinks about how you wear your hair
1523 - Run gel, pray for expected bands even though you're an atheist - what could it hurt, right?
1608 - Hop up and down throughoutinsanely long purification kit protocol, remind self of Homer Simpson bitching about how microwave burritos take too long to cook
1630 - Spec samples, do the math to set up the next reaction
1635 - Convince self you've done the math wrong, start over
1645 - Fuck it, you're pretty sure it's right and it's not really rocket science anyway, assemble reagents to set up rxn
1647 - Holy Mother of Mongeese, will this buffer never THAW!!!??!?
1700 - Throw shit in the incubator, dash to gym, destroy self in the weight room
1750 - Head home in state of exhaustion, realize you've forgotten something important, decide it's not actually so important that it can't be done tomorrow, suck down gin and tonic
0600 - Later, rinse, repeat
0800 - Fuck! It's late! Let dog out to pee, gargle coffee, shower, realize you forgot to rinse out conditioner, hop back in, scramble to find lunch and gym clothes
0837 - Dash out the door, lock it behind you, realize you've left keys to bike lock inside. Open door, see dog doing the potty dance (again), let dog out and encourage to take a crap already (seriously, how many places in the yard must he circle before finding the perfect spot? is it really that much different from yesterday?)
0841 - Shoo dog back inside, retrieve appropriate keys, dash to lab
0856 - Look at to-do list, hyperventilate
0907 - Get cracking
0923 - Sit down to scratch head over yesterday's results while rxn incubates. Hrrmmm....these make no sense.
1118 - Check email - have finally gotten a reply from people you've been pestering about fishy reagent for the last two weeks
1119 - !@)(!*)@#(%)(*@#%$#@*&^)!@^%!!!!!! No wonder yesterday's results look fishy - your vector map was incomplete!!
1120 - Trash everything you started this morning and start over. Grumble incessantly
1207 - All rxns go - finally have something to eat.
1208 - Instead of eating lunch, spend 40min explaining technique to new lab member
1249 - Rxns finished. Fuck, no time for lunch, on to the next step
1350 - Next step incubating, stuff face, hammer out blog post, beg tech to make some solutions for you, pray you'll be finished in time to meet workout buddy at the gym
1430 - Set up new matings, do some colony maintenance, in the process splatter bleach solution all over your (only) new shirt, send snarky email about broken dishwasher and minimum wage to people who mosst assuredly won't give a fuck about this
1515 - Rush back to save rxns that have now been incubating for just a wee bit too long
1516 - Snipe and glower at d00dly labmate about how you're not here to be his Princess Leia fantasy and that you don't really care what he thinks about how you wear your hair
1523 - Run gel, pray for expected bands even though you're an atheist - what could it hurt, right?
1608 - Hop up and down throughout
1630 - Spec samples, do the math to set up the next reaction
1635 - Convince self you've done the math wrong, start over
1645 - Fuck it, you're pretty sure it's right and it's not really rocket science anyway, assemble reagents to set up rxn
1647 - Holy Mother of Mongeese, will this buffer never THAW!!!??!?
1700 - Throw shit in the incubator, dash to gym, destroy self in the weight room
1750 - Head home in state of exhaustion, realize you've forgotten something important, decide it's not actually so important that it can't be done tomorrow, suck down gin and tonic
0600 - Later, rinse, repeat
Friday, May 14, 2010
Aimated gif is so 2002, get with the program!
Hooookay. Let's suppose that you run a company which provides a service to research scientists. In order to make sure that you stay in business, you must provide excellent service to these scientists, because there are about a bajillion other companies that also provide this service. What makes you unique is your personalized service, door-to-door pick-up and delivery, and excellent word-of-mouth references.
AA is tres impressed.
So AA checks out your website (which sports lots of flash and animated gif bling - not impressed), notes that you say you get optimum results when the scientists' samples are prepped and submitted in a certain way, so she preps and submits her samples exactly as the website specifies. You turn around AA's results in 18h.
AA is giddy with your service.
Except that the results are crap. Not so impressed.
So AA rings you up, and gets the actual dude who performed the actual assay on the phone. Kind of impressed. He tells AA that in fact, they prefer that sample prep and submission be performed in any way EXCEPT the way it's stated on the website now, because some reagents in their website-recommended strategy have changed and this effs everything up. Grrr. Actual dude who performed the actual assay is happy to re-prep and re-run AA's samples himself - no need to resubmit - and will drop off some free aliquots of their currently preferred reagent (they don't make it) directly to the lab on Monday so we can use that next time we submit. AA is distinctly NOT impressed with the maintenance of your website, but rather pleased with the customer service.
Moral of the story - website maintenance is KEY people, especially if you are a small boutique sort of company that has to compete with the big dogs. Lose the gif animation and make sure your info is up to date.
AA is tres impressed.
So AA checks out your website (which sports lots of flash and animated gif bling - not impressed), notes that you say you get optimum results when the scientists' samples are prepped and submitted in a certain way, so she preps and submits her samples exactly as the website specifies. You turn around AA's results in 18h.
AA is giddy with your service.
Except that the results are crap. Not so impressed.
So AA rings you up, and gets the actual dude who performed the actual assay on the phone. Kind of impressed. He tells AA that in fact, they prefer that sample prep and submission be performed in any way EXCEPT the way it's stated on the website now, because some reagents in their website-recommended strategy have changed and this effs everything up. Grrr. Actual dude who performed the actual assay is happy to re-prep and re-run AA's samples himself - no need to resubmit - and will drop off some free aliquots of their currently preferred reagent (they don't make it) directly to the lab on Monday so we can use that next time we submit. AA is distinctly NOT impressed with the maintenance of your website, but rather pleased with the customer service.
Moral of the story - website maintenance is KEY people, especially if you are a small boutique sort of company that has to compete with the big dogs. Lose the gif animation and make sure your info is up to date.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Self-Improvement
In an effort to become a self-starting go-getting highly motivated and efficient human being, today marked the start of AA hitting the gym *before* going to the lab.
It may well mark the end too.
Thing is, all that momentum and efficiency generated by getting up and active first thing in the morning got all used up (or sucked out by a stooopidly long and unproductive lab meeting). I was neither efficient nor momentus(?) this afternoon.
Gah.
And now I'm trying to fend off the nodding-then-face-planting into my desk while I finish reviewing a paper. In short: "The authors present an intriguing hypothesis, and the study is quite promising. However, the plethora of typos and downright sloppy figure presentation make it nearly impossible for me to conclude anything meaningful from the data shown here. Also, I need a nap."
It may well mark the end too.
Thing is, all that momentum and efficiency generated by getting up and active first thing in the morning got all used up (or sucked out by a stooopidly long and unproductive lab meeting). I was neither efficient nor momentus(?) this afternoon.
Gah.
And now I'm trying to fend off the nodding-then-face-planting into my desk while I finish reviewing a paper. In short: "The authors present an intriguing hypothesis, and the study is quite promising. However, the plethora of typos and downright sloppy figure presentation make it nearly impossible for me to conclude anything meaningful from the data shown here. Also, I need a nap."
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Open Letters
Dear Scooter Riders,
Or should I just call you scooters? Look, your preferred mode of transport is a motorized vehicle. It requires license plates and you must drive it on the road and obey traffic laws just like a car. So what gives with parking it at the bike rack? I realize it's right there next to the front door which is very convenient (for you), but it's really inconvenient (for everyone else) when you effectively remove six available bike parking spots on an already crowded bike rack. And you're not even locking it up! So now I have to shove other people's bikes around and pick my bike up and shake it as if I'm disentangling wires behind a computer desk, and pull some contortionist moves just to get at my lock, simply because you couldn't be bothered to park in the parking lot where you belong. Please desist.
Sincerely,
AA
*********
Dear Colleague,
I am terribly sorry for having offended you. I am sorry that I do not conform to your rigid gender stereotypes. I am sorry that I do not wear pink, or skirts, or dangly earrings as often as you would prefer. I just don't think there's much point in advertising the fact that I am indeed a woman with all the usual trappings when it is already so fucking obvious. I mean, my boobs are freaking huge! It's not like anyone might be confused (and heaven forbid if that were the case /eyeroll). I am sorry that you disapprove of my egalitarian relationship, and even sorrier to deprive you of the pleasure of saying, "you'll never get a man if you make him do the cooking." It must be terribly difficult for you to be around me. I'm sorry that I engage in unladylike activities like cycling and hoisting heavy objects and cursing like a sailor. I'm sorry that I have my own opinions and high expectations of myself and others. I'm sorry that I don't dislike myself enough to meet your approval.
But mostly I'm sorry about all the lies I just told in the paragraph above. Because I'm not actually sorry about any of it.
Fuck off,
AA
**********
Dear Bottle of Agarose,
What the fuck is wrong with you? 0.8% is not asking too fucking much, but that gel has been sitting on the bench all fucking day and still has not polymerized.
You suck,
AA
**********
Dear Other Bottle of Agarose,
Thank you for saving my sanity, and for doing your job, and making a fucking gel that fucking polymerizes.
I heart you,
AA
Or should I just call you scooters? Look, your preferred mode of transport is a motorized vehicle. It requires license plates and you must drive it on the road and obey traffic laws just like a car. So what gives with parking it at the bike rack? I realize it's right there next to the front door which is very convenient (for you), but it's really inconvenient (for everyone else) when you effectively remove six available bike parking spots on an already crowded bike rack. And you're not even locking it up! So now I have to shove other people's bikes around and pick my bike up and shake it as if I'm disentangling wires behind a computer desk, and pull some contortionist moves just to get at my lock, simply because you couldn't be bothered to park in the parking lot where you belong. Please desist.
Sincerely,
AA
*********
Dear Colleague,
I am terribly sorry for having offended you. I am sorry that I do not conform to your rigid gender stereotypes. I am sorry that I do not wear pink, or skirts, or dangly earrings as often as you would prefer. I just don't think there's much point in advertising the fact that I am indeed a woman with all the usual trappings when it is already so fucking obvious. I mean, my boobs are freaking huge! It's not like anyone might be confused (and heaven forbid if that were the case /eyeroll). I am sorry that you disapprove of my egalitarian relationship, and even sorrier to deprive you of the pleasure of saying, "you'll never get a man if you make him do the cooking." It must be terribly difficult for you to be around me. I'm sorry that I engage in unladylike activities like cycling and hoisting heavy objects and cursing like a sailor. I'm sorry that I have my own opinions and high expectations of myself and others. I'm sorry that I don't dislike myself enough to meet your approval.
But mostly I'm sorry about all the lies I just told in the paragraph above. Because I'm not actually sorry about any of it.
Fuck off,
AA
**********
Dear Bottle of Agarose,
What the fuck is wrong with you? 0.8% is not asking too fucking much, but that gel has been sitting on the bench all fucking day and still has not polymerized.
You suck,
AA
**********
Dear Other Bottle of Agarose,
Thank you for saving my sanity, and for doing your job, and making a fucking gel that fucking polymerizes.
I heart you,
AA
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