I don't cope with uncertainty very well. Not in the "wheeeee! let's have an adventure sense" - I like adventures. More in the "this is big decision that I need to make and I don't have all the information I need to make it". I'm pretty crap at dealing with that.
I like to have a plan. It is totally fine with me if the plan changes over time, but I need to have one to work from so that I feel like I'm actively making steps and decisions toward the desired outcome.
I'm facing some big (unbloggable) decisions now, and I can't actually make any of them yet. I have to wait, wait, wait on other people to make theirs first. This is killing me.
I am just barely keeping a lid on my internalized anxiety over this right now, and occasionally the lid blows off completely. As you might imagine, this is not a new experience - I have well-developed coping mechanisms. However, my normal coping mechanisms are proving completely ineffectual. I realize in the rational part of my brain that it is completely ridiculous to spend so much energy worrying about something that I can do nothing about at the moment, but that realization is having zero positive effect on the physiological stress I am experiencing.
Plus, the anxiety is exhausting, both physically and mentally. So much so that when faced with the simple daily tasks of editing a manuscript draft or setting up a restriction digest, they sometimes seem completely overwhelming and insurmountable, and sometimes just thinking about doing them is enough to send me over the edge. And this provides a nice little feedback loop for generating further anxiety.
I am seriously considering drugging this problem just so I can stay functional. Just not sure that this is really necessary/a good idea if I know (from previous experience) that I will feel fine once all the other players in this situation make their decisions so I can proceed to make a plan that takes these into account. I'm not sure what the time line for that looks like and I know that things like SSRIs take some time to take effect. Not sure if that's really going to help given the circumstances. In the meantime I'm quitting caffeine, and trying not to over-sedate with EtOH at the end of the day. And working out a lot. And trying to avoid people/situations that feed the beast. Ugh.