Things I've learned

1. It is absolutely critical to be able to separate Socratic questioning from "I think you're an idiot for not having arrived at this on your own".
2. It is absolutely critical to be able to separate critique of your data from critique of your person.
3. It is really hard to do this in the early years of grad school when every time you turn around you are being examined or tested or asked to validate your existence.
4. It gets a lot easier to do this once you make the transition from grad school to somewhere that appreciates your skill and expertise.
   

Being able to do this is a learned behavior. Just like no one is born knowing how to do a flawless patch-clamp assay, it's a bit much to expect people to instantly recognize the difference between benevolent critique to improve the science v. gotcha questioning to make them sweat. It's kinder to point this out a time or two and then let them practice letting it roll off their egos on their own.