I've been feeling a little weird about my impending defense. In part because I've had zero feedback from GrAdvisor, which could mean 1) he's confident that I've got my shit together so I don't really need anything from him, 2) he's already written me off since I'll be out of here soon after so who cares, or 3) he's giving me enough rope to hang myself.
Now, 1 is the most likely answer but like most of us I'm a little neurotic. It can make for good science, but it also makes me well, a little neurotic. So I just can't dismiss options 2 and 3 out-of-hand.
Which brings me to the weird bit: I'm not freaking out about this.
Ordinarily, I would be freaking out about this. Some not-so-small part of me thinks I should be freaking out about this. I usually freak out about stuff like this, and I have well-practiced coping mechanisms for dealing with it.
I don't have coping mechanisms for not freaking out. So I don't know what to do with myself.
I had a nice relaxing holiday weekend. Great low-key meal with friends. Came to the lab only briefly to keep a few things running so I can get back to the bench when it's all over. Did some work around the house. Went running a lot with DangerDog. Took BH out to lunch. Put up the Christmas tree. Spent 2 hours putting together my talk and declared it done. Didn't freak out.
I gave a practice talk today and I will give another one tomorrow including suggested changes. It needs another run-through, but then really, truly, I'm ready. But I'm not freaking out. Which totally freaks me out.
I don't know how to deal with this. Therefore, I'm improvising. I'm not freaking out about the D-day itself, which is probably good but it feels unnatural...so instead I am freaking out about not freaking out. Phew! That feels better.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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8 comments:
What day is your defense again?
I had 6 weeks between submitting and defending - I was totally relaxed (NOT freaking out at all) for the first 4. Then I got a bit antsy. Then two days before I completely freaked out.
I hope you stay in the non-freak-out zone, since it's a much happier place!
You'll be fine! You wouldn't be allowed to defend if you weren't ready! w00t!
you're not freaking out because you know your shit. You're totally ready, which is why you're allowed to defend. Now go kick some ass
cool and calm. You'll be fine. The abscence of freaking out, I recognize. But it can be a fun thing, the defense thing I mean.
If you know your stuff, which I think you do, then just relax and roll with it. noone knows your data as well as you do!
Good luck!!
Hey, whatever gets you through.
Good luck, honeybunch! Don't freak out about not freaking out. This is a good sign. :)
They don't let you defend unless you can pass. You'll do fine!
you are going to kick major, serious, ass. foshizzle.
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