My love affair with Science began like all love affairs do - attraction, infatuation, thinking that everything is just perfect. Science was charming and exciting and fulfilled my every desire. It even surprised me, gave me nice
Then just when I was hooked, things took a sinister turn. Science dealt me a low blow. All the things that I loved about Science suddenly weren't there. The bottom fell out. The Science I knew and loved was replaced by a monster, who made promises about fantastic data and shiny publications, and then turned around and gave me failed experiments. Science told me all kinds of rotten things about myself and made me think that I didn't deserve any better. My self-esteem suffered and I thought about leaving, but my identity was so entangled in this relationship that I didn't think I could.
Then, just when I was ready to throw in the towel, things changed again. Oh, I'm so sorry, said Science. I've been such an ass. I've treated you so badly. I didn't mean it. I swear. Things will be different from now on. And they were...for a while. Experiments worked. New projects flourished. Everything was peachy.
And now I'm in the downward swing again. I've been through enough of these by now to recognize the pattern for what it is. I know if I threaten to leave that Science will come running back and apologize yet again. And I will take it back.
Science is a master manipulator. We've become unhealthily co-dependent. I know this, and I stay anyway.